04.29.07
Lemons
Well, they say when life hands you lemons, you make lemonade – right? I am not sure if I agree with that any more. Although I am learning to hide my emotions, I guess this is the way I let them out instead. Maybe it is the difference between friends and in some cases, perfect strangers, reading about your issues, vs. having to tell someone.
So it was just 2 days ago I lost another of my kitties. I had 4 just over a month ago, and ironically the day after I started chemo, my oldest died of a hemorrhage to a massive mammary tumor. As you may have read in my previous entry, it killed me. The other day I returned home to find another – my youngest – dead on the floor. I was devastated but also worried. I immediately took my other 2 kitties to the vet along with the body of my youngest. They isolated the two and performed an autopsy on the one. She died of – and I don’t remember all the details they tried to explain to me, but – some sort of massive heart infection. Whether it is similar to a heartworm in a dog, I don’t know. In any case, they checked my other two and put them on high doses of antibiotics and other medications.
This morning I was called and the teenager of the two has died as well. I am numb. As I sit here and wonder what is going on in my life. I have cried for 2 days and yet hid this from friends. I cried again this morning and finally, hours later, I am sitting at my computer trying to make sense of it all.
My oldest, Willow, is still hanging on. She is and has always been my familiar in my readings and more. I don’t know what I will do without her. I am sending all positive light and energy to her as she continues to hang on. The positive note is that the vet did say she seemed quite strong and alert, which indicates she may have beaten it and the first 48 hours are key. If she makes it through tomorrow, all should be well.
So where is the lemonade? What am I supposed to do? There are no lemons here – only sadness and sorrow. Three very special souls have passed on and I loved them so much. There are those who look at pets as possessions and those of us who know our pets are indeed members of our family. I am walking around today in a fog. I will go on, but honestly, my home is so much more empty. In less than 1 month 3 beautiful and loving animals have crossed over. I simply don’t know what to do anymore. It all seems pointless.