01.23.10
Parallels
In October of 2005 I moved to Chicago. By my side was a lovely singer/songwriter named Kristen Hope Justice – and yes, that is her real name – have to love it. She is an amazing performer and we looked to start our lives here together. She, in music and myself, perhaps helping her or even playing a little percussion with her. Sadly, as the tension of the move – the stresses, and perhaps the age difference of 20 years between us, came to be too much. She left only 6 months after moving here and returned home to Atlanta. As we all go through difficult times during any breakup, I was no different. The nights of crying alone, the doubts, the questions of what I could have done to make it better. So many things went through my mind and my life at that time..
I began to wake up only a few months later. I knew I wanted to be involved in music – somehow. I never really had been before. Oh sure, I had been a music major in college, but my minor – Computer Science – is how I make my living. I never thought I was good enough to do anything in music.
One night I happened to be hanging out at a local “music venue” – it was a performance of a friend I had met. During that time, the engineer and host talked about needing another host/engineer for their open mic. I wrote down his email. I emailed him later that night. A few weeks went by and he emailed me back saying they already hired someone. I was kind of “smitten” by this venue, but it apparently was not to be. Oh well…
A month later I received an email saying the other person had not worked out and was I still interested – it was Dec of 2006. I jumped at the chance – a date with “her” – so to speak. I went in for “orientation” and a couple of weeks later, ran my first show. I fell in love with it. In one night I met more musicians than I had all year. A new passion had been awoken within me. At that moment I said to myself – “To hell with my ex – I will show her – I will become more involved in music than she could have even dreamed of!!! I will make her wish she had never left – that she never hurt me the way she did!”
Ok, so perhaps the motivation was, um, misguided, but the goals were real. I wanted to get more than just a taste of this amazing music scene in Chicago. I set out on my journey. I got involved – I listened – I did more – I listened more – I grew. All thanks to some of the most amazing artists I have every known. I even tried out for a local duo – and it soon became a trio – playing out with them and just enjoying making music along side everyone else.
Four+ years later, I just had another break up. My 2nd home has dumped me. Just like before – I must have done something wrong to deserve it. It must be my fault, but sadly, there seems to be nothing I can do to bring “her” back…
Parallels are funny in life. You hear the cliche’ of “history always repeating itself” and here I am again. Suffering from a broken heart. And yet, as I sit back and realize it is another chance for me to grow – for me to become even more involved in the music scene. I realize too that I am going to make “her” wish she had never dumped me – they will wonder “why did we let her go.. we must have been idiots.”
The music world of Chicago is my Second Home – right along side my own LGBT community. 2010 has only just begun. This past week has reminded me – I can do more, be more, make more of a difference! Nothing is going to keep that from happening. *THIS* is my year to truly make a difference – one I have been talking about all along.
My life’s journey has been about touching people’s lives – making a difference – a positive difference. And well, my “EX” has reminded me how much it hurts to be dumped – but it also reminded me that all it takes is a little motivation to get me started.
Thank you to my “ex’s” – (both of them) – for you have taught me valuable lessons. Your journeys will continue, both Kristen and that “other place” – but mine – mine is only just beginning – and I can tell you this – Karma is truly on my side, for I do not hurt and discard the ones that are important in my life… I will cash in my Karma chips – and the winners will be the communities I am a part of!!
Peace, love and light,
Kat
Debb Durbin said,
February 23, 2010 at 1:48 pm
Thank you for sharing your heart, Kat. Your generosity astounds! It is most pleasant to learn more about the First Friday card reader(?) cum computer security techie who reviewed my tower in 2007-08. How often I’ve thought of you and of your health challenges. You are a wondrous spirit, to all, and, in particular, an inspiration to me! I second the motion toward your current sentiments, it’s the other party’s loss to have loved and left you.