07.25.09
I am blessed…
Many of my friends know that one of my favorite sayings is, “Life is what it is…” I don’t know why. It is really pretty simple and implies not much of anything. It is not prophetic or life altering – well, maybe it is to me.
I have been dealing with “C” for sometime now, and for those who do not know, I was diagnosed as terminal just about 2 years ago. This is not about the diagnosis, other than to say, well, doctors are not always right and I plan on doing everything I can to prove them wrong. No, instead this note is about my life and the people that surround me.
I am blessed. I am surrounded by amazing family and friends and that circle just keeps growing.
You know, my mother and father, both of whom are still here and celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary earlier this year, they always ask me what I want to be when I grow up – yes still. I don’t know what i want to be, but I do know that my purpose in life, at least in my eyes, is to “make a difference”. If I can bring a smile to someone or help someone out, or opens someones eyes to an injustice.. Or… I mean, I just want to make a difference in this world.
Lately, my illness, which takes ups and downs, has been on a down(er). I struggle with side effects and other issues lately, and yet, every time I turn around, there is another friend or family member offering to help or come to my aide. I don’t know what I did to deserve this, but this is a personal thank you to all of you!!!
One thing I do want to share however, is regardless of all this, please (please) don’t think of me differently when you see me. For the longest time I hid my illness. Why? Simple – I hate pity. Only 3 people have been to chemo with me – sadly, one of those three has passed herself.. But one thing about all of that was that those three people treated me very differently after they saw me hooked up to tubes. Recently, when I started sharing a bit more of what I am dealing with on FB – well, when people see me, it seems that there was a bit more “concern” for how I was doing when I would see people in public.
I am not sure that this is coming across in the right way – I am not ungrateful, I am simply saying, “life is what it is,” and I have been dealt this hand – there is no need to think of my any differently than you would otherwise. I am still an obnoxious pain in the rear 
– well, ok, maybe not, or at least I hope not. I am simply saying, I love you all – each and every person who has entered and touched my life these past 3.5 years I have lived in Chicago, and that is what I want you all to think of.
My father has been through 5 cancers – yes 5 and is still alive. One of which was breast cancer, which even has a funny story I will share another time. But yes, 10% of cancers in men is breast cancer – he had a partial mastectomy… But he is tough – he is still here and at 84 years old! My mother has had several heart attacks, but she is still here. My brother had a heart attack at 43, but still here and in fact flat lined for 2 minutes. My family is tough – I am tough – keep that in mind. I am not giving up, and don’t plan on it. Yes, it has gotten a bit tough these past 2 months, but who knows, in another month, it could go back up again, or sideways for that matter.
I am not done making a difference and making my mark on this world. I am not going anywhere. Besides, with all these amazing people in my life, I have a few favors to repay!
SO, what am I trying to say in this silly note? Well, the title says it all. I am blessed. I have people in my life willing to do anything, and I honestly don’t know what I did to deserve that, but thank you. Thank you to my family who has been through through everything. Oh, and a side note – don’t lie to your mother abotu your health – she *knows* what is going on, regardless – more times than once.. (I need to blog about that too..)
Funny.. I started writing this and the migraine was killing me, and I am a bit exhausted from a long wedding today – I am on my way to Devon Uncommon Ground to run a show, but you know what – after typing all this, the migraine is fading and I am looking forward to a wonderful show of Spanish guitars and Flamenco dancing by a fantastic group! (Idilio)..
Thank you ALL for all you share with me – your friendship and love, and just know, I am always here for you too!
Oh and remember, “Life is what it is…” – which simply means, *YOU* are the one in control and don’t let anyone tell you differently..
Peace, love and light
Kat