04.23.10
Posted in Journal at 8:42 am by kat
People tell me I am pretty crazy. Ok, guilty. Some ask why I do so much – um, I get bored easily? But honestly, it is for the people that I surround myself with. They are the amazing ones…
My Mother and Father have been together 60 (soon 61) years. They instilled in me a lot of pride in everything I do – always striving to do it better. But they also told me that I should always surround myself with people I admire and those that you don’t, well, you don’t need them around. That is so true. The musicians and performers and especially friends I surround myself with are simply amazing. There are no other words to say – at least if I chose only one.
My mom has been watching Crystal Bowersox on Idol even before she realized I knew her. She loves her and then she remembered we were friends. She sent to me last night a reminder that made me cry. It was a comment Crystal had posted on one of my blogs over a year ago – and it reminded me why you are all so incredibly special. I won’t post the entire thing, but this is a small piece from it,
“…you’re positive outlook and determination inspires me, and you’ve touched more lives in a positive way, more than you know.”
Crystal, if that is true, then you and so many others inspire me to do more and be better and just keep on trying to make a difference.
To Crystal and every single person (seriously, too many to name) that have inspired me here in Chicago these past 4 years, I want to thank you all!! For making my life what it is, for helping me through cancer, for making me laugh, smile, giggle and just being there. For being amazing friends, musicians, confidants and beautiful souls.
And especially to my Mom, who, by sending that little reminder last night, made me realize that giving up anything I love is not what I do best – whether it be an Open Mic or anything else. I am not giving up, I can’t. It is not in me. It just means I have to adjust and change how things are to make them better – to bring more opportunities to more artists I will simply do whatever it takes.
Open Mic is back this coming Monday – and I will continue to look for new venues for more events and who knows, maybe someday there will even be my own club – supporting live music and art like never before – yeah, I have been thinking about it. You just never know…
And finally, if you are reading this, then you are among my friends and the people I care about, which means the “Thanks” goes to you!
Peace, love and light,
Kat
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04.13.10
Posted in Music at 7:15 am by kat
We all have them. We begin some things – we end some things. Things come and go in our lives. Mine is no different. Sometimes I think I have had a few more “endings” than “beginnings” though, but maybe we all feel that way at one time or another.
Most people know that much of my life revolves around the world of music. Not just any music – not the pop or other stuff you typically hear on the radio, but the heart and soul of music – the music that comes from local singer/songwriters.
I used to run a very popular Open Mic at a venue that had been a part of my life for over 4 years. I have written about Uncommon Ground before – some positive and some negative. it was simply another beginning and ending in my life’s journey. After I was unceremoniously let go from UG, I decided it was time to start new ventures with music. New shows and music series and also continue some that I had started there. I knew in my heart that the comments made to me by the owner, that it was an “end of an era” as he told me – “it was time to move on”, could not be true. Although I never thought of my tenure there as an “era” – kind of a strange way to word it. In any case, I was not going to let that get to me – as emotionally painful as it was. I knew I could expand everything that I loved about music – and just offer more venues and opportunities for musicians…
It has been a few months now since I was let go and of course music is still the core of my soul. It drives me. The “Four Women Showcase”, now with a new home at Hamburger Mary’s is going strong. The new “Chocolate Sunday Showcase” continues to expand on Sunday afternoons at Let Them Eat Chocolate, and this week we launch a new music venue – Magnolia Cafe. Then of course there is the new monthly event at Circuit and who knows what else. But, sometimes, not everything works out and the Open Mic that brought me back to music when I first moved here – 4.5 years ago now – is coming to an end.
Last night was hard. I left the Open Mic and with the top down, headed out for a drive. Then, wouldn’t you know it, it started to rain. Ok, top back up.. And a little more driving. I have always used a “long drive” as my way to escape and to put thought in to the problems or issues of my life. Maybe it is simply because no one can really bother you in your car – well, except for bad drivers. But when you really want to be alone, you just head out on the expressways and you have all the time in the world. I pointed my car west – and just started driving.
A lot of soul searching occurred last night – some of it a bit painful. Looking back at my time with Uncommon Ground and how painful it was to be told I was being let go did not come easy. Reliving it sucked. I had run out of the Devon location when I was told because I did not want anyone to see me cry. Maybe last night it was finally – after 3 months – hitting me just how hard it was. I had not let it get to me before. Sure I stepped up to the plate to not let it get to me when it first happened – kind of like breaking up with Kristen so many years ago, but then realizing a year later that it hurt. Maybe it had something to do with an odd “friend request” I received the other day too. For whatever reason, I began to cry – not a lot – I mean I was driving, but enough that I let my emotions out – for the first time since being let go. It was good and bad. It is always good to let your emotions out – holding them in does no good for anyone, but it was also bad because I had to admit to myself just how much it hurt. How I let one person hurt me so much. How could *he* not realize how much those Monday’s and Tuesday’s meant to me? Or maybe, and this was the painful part, he did realize it and just didn’t give a d*mn. Maybe it really was just “all about money”?
*sigh*
So this morning, as I sit at my day job, I realize it is time. With all the thinking last night, I did realize that maybe he was right and, even with the poor choice of words, it is “an end of an era” and it is time to move on. For these reasons, and others, I have decided to shut down the Open Mic I started a few months back. Sure, the “Four Women Showcase” will continue as will the “Chocolate Sunday” and Magnolia, but the “venue”, the soul of my music, something that I had worked my butt off in so many ways for 4 years, has come an end.
I don’t know what I will do after this. Some of you may laugh at this note in fact that I am writing and think nothing of it, that it is just a silly Open Mic. But to quote someone who wrote about it recently:
“…Fitzgerald’s philosophical endless love of music makes sure that everyone gets their chance and support at this open mic. It’s a breath of fresh air to see a hostess who is there to mentor and support the newcomers as they step on stage for the first time.”
I did this because I LOVED doing it. It was a part of me. I think that part has died.
Peace, love and light AND success to all those who strive to make their music heard and who make it their lives!!!
xo
Kat
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