01.23.10

Parallels

Posted in Journal at 9:01 am by kat

In October of 2005 I moved to Chicago. By my side was a lovely singer/songwriter named Kristen Hope Justice – and yes, that is her real name – have to love it. She is an amazing performer and we looked to start our lives here together. She, in music and myself, perhaps helping her or even playing a little percussion with her. Sadly, as the tension of the move – the stresses, and perhaps the age difference of 20 years between us, came to be too much. She left only 6 months after moving here and returned home to Atlanta. As we all go through difficult times during any breakup, I was no different. The nights of crying alone, the doubts, the questions of what I could have done to make it better. So many things went through my mind and my life at that time..

I began to wake up only a few months later. I knew I wanted to be involved in music – somehow. I never really had been before. Oh sure, I had been a music major in college, but my minor – Computer Science – is how I make my living. I never thought I was good enough to do anything in music.

One night I happened to be hanging out at a local “music venue” – it was a performance of a friend I had met. During that time, the engineer and host talked about needing another host/engineer for their open mic. I wrote down his email. I emailed him later that night. A few weeks went by and he emailed me back saying they already hired someone. I was kind of “smitten” by this venue, but it apparently was not to be. Oh well…

A month later I received an email saying the other person had not worked out and was I still interested – it was Dec of 2006. I jumped at the chance – a date with “her” – so to speak. I went in for “orientation” and a couple of weeks later, ran my first show. I fell in love with it. In one night I met more musicians than I had all year. A new passion had been awoken within me. At that moment I said to myself – “To hell with my ex – I will show her – I will become more involved in music than she could have even dreamed of!!! I will make her wish she had never left – that she never hurt me the way she did!”

Ok, so perhaps the motivation was, um, misguided, but the goals were real. I wanted to get more than just a taste of this amazing music scene in Chicago. I set out on my journey. I got involved – I listened – I did more – I listened more – I grew. All thanks to some of the most amazing artists I have every known. I even tried out for a local duo – and it soon became a trio – playing out with them and just enjoying making music along side everyone else.

Four+ years later, I just had another break up. My 2nd home has dumped me. Just like before – I must have done something wrong to deserve it. It must be my fault, but sadly, there seems to be nothing I can do to bring “her” back…

Parallels are funny in life. You hear the cliche’ of “history always repeating itself” and here I am again. Suffering from a broken heart. And yet, as I sit back and realize it is another chance for me to grow – for me to become even more involved in the music scene. I realize too that I am going to make “her” wish she had never dumped me – they will wonder “why did we let her go.. we must have been idiots.”

The music world of Chicago is my Second Home – right along side my own LGBT community. 2010 has only just begun. This past week has reminded me – I can do more, be more, make more of a difference! Nothing is going to keep that from happening. *THIS* is my year to truly make a difference – one I have been talking about all along.

My life’s journey has been about touching people’s lives – making a difference – a positive difference. And well, my “EX” has reminded me how much it hurts to be dumped – but it also reminded me that all it takes is a little motivation to get me started.

Thank you to my “ex’s” – (both of them) – for you have taught me valuable lessons. Your journeys will continue, both Kristen and that “other place” – but mine – mine is only just beginning – and I can tell you this – Karma is truly on my side, for I do not hurt and discard the ones that are important in my life… I will cash in my Karma chips – and the winners will be the communities I am a part of!!

Peace, love and light,
Kat

01.16.10

An Open Letter to NOM

Posted in Journal at 10:39 pm by kat

This is an open letter to Brian S. Brown – Executive Director of National Organization for Marriage (NOW)

___________________________________________________________________________
Dear Mr. Brown,

I just got done reading the current update on Prop 8 from NOM. I am still amazed at the level of mis-information you will go. I know this email will fall on deaf ears and perhaps in some way you will post it as a threat against you as you have claimed others have. But really, if people have had to quit a job because it came out they supported Prop 8, maybe that says something – maybe hiding in the shadows, in the dark, which is what you want to do, is wrong.

Perhaps standing up and speaking about what you believe, in a public forum, open to everyone, is something that makes you and your kind afraid? I would have no problem stepping out and saying, “I am lesbian, why do you all hate me so much?” Please don’t babble on about hating the sin and loving the sinner – you know that is not the case. You use it to deflect. Actions speak louder than words.

If you truly want marriage to be about procreation and loving moms and dads, then please be fair and deny all infertile couples the legal right to marry. Oh and I guess you need to abolish my parents marriage of 65 years since they can no longer pro-create.

If you want to “Protect Marriage” – although I still don’t understand what you are protecting it from – remember, we can’t marry, and we are not the ones having children out of wedlock – it is straight people. We are not the ones divorcing since we can’t marry – at perhaps the highest rate in history – that is you guys. I could go on, but why bother…

Why not come out from the shadows – the same shadows that the KKK hides in – why not be proud of who you are, step out in to the light and let us see the faces of those would would seek to take our rights away from us? We are not out to hurt anyone, but we do have the right to face those who call us an abomination – at least in this judicial system – so why not share your lists? Why? Because you are not afraid of retribution as you claim. You are simply afraid of the light – the same as the KKK and the Nazis and all others who choose to repress and deny the rights to those who are born different than the majority.

Why not debate me – a simple person – who has no real ties other than supporting the fight for our rights. I am not a public figure – I am not someone who hides from the light. Why not stand up and discuss common sense instead of legal trickery? Why not stop the lies and misinformation that you spread? Care to debate me? I doubt it, because you are all afraid – perhaps of your own shadows – and if you stay in the darkness with the other hateful people of the world, then, I guess, you truly do have nothing to be afraid of..

My heart goes out to you for one simple reason – you are a sad individual who has no power unless you are invoking your beliefs on others. That is the only way people like yourselves have any power at all – by trying to control what others think and well, I am simply sad for you.

Peace, love and light
Kat