07.25.09

I am blessed…

Posted in Journal at 9:09 pm by kat

Many of my friends know that one of my favorite sayings is, “Life is what it is…” I don’t know why. It is really pretty simple and implies not much of anything. It is not prophetic or life altering – well, maybe it is to me.

I have been dealing with “C” for sometime now, and for those who do not know, I was diagnosed as terminal just about 2 years ago. This is not about the diagnosis, other than to say, well, doctors are not always right and I plan on doing everything I can to prove them wrong. No, instead this note is about my life and the people that surround me.

I am blessed. I am surrounded by amazing family and friends and that circle just keeps growing.

You know, my mother and father, both of whom are still here and celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary earlier this year, they always ask me what I want to be when I grow up – yes still. I don’t know what i want to be, but I do know that my purpose in life, at least in my eyes, is to “make a difference”. If I can bring a smile to someone or help someone out, or opens someones eyes to an injustice.. Or… I mean, I just want to make a difference in this world.

Lately, my illness, which takes ups and downs, has been on a down(er). I struggle with side effects and other issues lately, and yet, every time I turn around, there is another friend or family member offering to help or come to my aide. I don’t know what I did to deserve this, but this is a personal thank you to all of you!!!

One thing I do want to share however, is regardless of all this, please (please) don’t think of me differently when you see me. For the longest time I hid my illness. Why? Simple – I hate pity. Only 3 people have been to chemo with me – sadly, one of those three has passed herself.. But one thing about all of that was that those three people treated me very differently after they saw me hooked up to tubes. Recently, when I started sharing a bit more of what I am dealing with on FB – well, when people see me, it seems that there was a bit more “concern” for how I was doing when I would see people in public.

I am not sure that this is coming across in the right way – I am not ungrateful, I am simply saying, “life is what it is,” and I have been dealt this hand – there is no need to think of my any differently than you would otherwise. I am still an obnoxious pain in the rear ;-) – well, ok, maybe not, or at least I hope not. I am simply saying, I love you all – each and every person who has entered and touched my life these past 3.5 years I have lived in Chicago, and that is what I want you all to think of.

My father has been through 5 cancers – yes 5 and is still alive. One of which was breast cancer, which even has a funny story I will share another time. But yes, 10% of cancers in men is breast cancer – he had a partial mastectomy… But he is tough – he is still here and at 84 years old! My mother has had several heart attacks, but she is still here. My brother had a heart attack at 43, but still here and in fact flat lined for 2 minutes. My family is tough – I am tough – keep that in mind. I am not giving up, and don’t plan on it. Yes, it has gotten a bit tough these past 2 months, but who knows, in another month, it could go back up again, or sideways for that matter. ;-)

I am not done making a difference and making my mark on this world. I am not going anywhere. Besides, with all these amazing people in my life, I have a few favors to repay!

SO, what am I trying to say in this silly note? Well, the title says it all. I am blessed. I have people in my life willing to do anything, and I honestly don’t know what I did to deserve that, but thank you. Thank you to my family who has been through through everything. Oh, and a side note – don’t lie to your mother abotu your health – she *knows* what is going on, regardless – more times than once.. (I need to blog about that too..)

Funny.. I started writing this and the migraine was killing me, and I am a bit exhausted from a long wedding today – I am on my way to Devon Uncommon Ground to run a show, but you know what – after typing all this, the migraine is fading and I am looking forward to a wonderful show of Spanish guitars and Flamenco dancing by a fantastic group! (Idilio)..

Thank you ALL for all you share with me – your friendship and love, and just know, I am always here for you too!

Oh and remember, “Life is what it is…” – which simply means, *YOU* are the one in control and don’t let anyone tell you differently..

Peace, love and light
Kat

07.07.09

Empires…

Posted in Journal at 8:10 pm by kat

I should be working – there is so much to do here and we are behind and it is only Tuesday.. Ahh…

I need a breather – a moment to just veg, and if you know me, you know I write when I veg (or meditate, but people at work stare at me funny when I am sitting on the floor humming..)

map

Why is this world so bent on war and empire building? Whatever happened to the peace movement? So much of my life I have believed in the Star Trek Utopia of an Earth that has little or no war, no one is wanting for anything and we live, for the most part – in peace. It seems that the second half of my life this world has been in a constant state of war and I just don’t understand. Is this what Capitalism is all about? We build more war machines in order to conquer more? And for what? Oil? I just don’t understand, and in a way, I am glad I don’t.

I was raised in a military family. My father fought in WWII (the end) and Korea and Vietnam and the Cold War. He, just like my mother, are the role models I look to, to be who I am. But my father never liked war – he did it because he wanted to protect us – not attack others – and there is a difference.

What has this to do with anything especially since I am right in the middle of the Open Mic Finals at Uncommon Ground? Well, last night, musicians of every color, gender, race, height, width, you name it – they were there. They all came together in a room for one purpose, to share music. There was more color and diversity in that one single room than many people see in a lifetime. I wonder how many religions were in the room too? And yet as I sit here writing this – I realize it was not until I got in the cab when it was all over that I even thought about it. I know I did not care – but I started wondering about why we have war and then I thought of the people in the room and then the colors and diversity came to mind. I know John Lennon wrote this a long time ago – “Imagine” – and yet it is still something I think of – often. Imagine no religion, no war, no borders! Even something as simple as the astronauts looking down from space and realizing there are no lines – no borders separating the countries and the people – so why can’t we do that for real?

I have traveled a huge part of this world – and met so many people. Cultures, races, religions, you name it – I have most likely met them. I have yet to meet anyone I did not like. Honestly – I guess I am related to Will Rogers. Imagine if everyone in the world had to meet everyone else – like a huge wedding receiving line or something – I doubt anyone would want to kill anyone else. Heck, they would be too busy shaking hands or hugging or kissing to be able to pick up a weapon. ;-)

Each night, mostly late in the evening of course – when I go home, I close my eyes, put on some meditation music (which could be anything for me) and I go into my world – my world of peace and utopia. I think of my family and friends and all the people I love. I visualize the world – the animals and all the “beings” I met in the past 24 hours. Each one of them unique and unforgettable – each one special in some way. This is how I am able to fall asleep so deeply in such a short time. This is why 4 hours of sleep is all I need – because I make peace with the universe each and every night.

I need to get back to work – but if there is a chance you might be a world leader and you are reading my simple little blog – how about you give my technique a try. Before you go to sleep tonight – put on some music – because honestly, this world would be a horrible place without music – and close your eyes. Think of everyone that crossed your path today and think of them only in a positive way – regardless of what they might have been doing at the time you met them. Or better yet, think of yourself as floating over the countries of the world – and try – hard – to see the lines – the borders – and when you realize they don’t really exist, let yourself fall asleep – and you will awake, rested and with a new realization of peace in your life.

Give it a try – and let’s all hope it is contagious!

Peace, love and light
Kat