03.03.09
a long night and life…
I don’t even know where to begin. So much has gone on in the past 24-48 hours to remind me of mortality.
Many of you know I am dealing with cancer. Not much to do about it – I was told I was terminal just about 2 years ago (colon and liver). But I have fought it and continue to do so with experimental treatments which seem to be working. It does not cure me, at least not yet, but it keeps things in check, and honestly, what more can I ask for. Tumors are not growing, but they are not shrinking either. And really, if that is the case, and it stays like that forever, I can live with it. The key word here is LIVE! I will *NOT* let this illness beat me.
What people don’t know is that I also have this little affliction called ITP – (http://www.pdsa.org) and well, to put it simply, I bleed. So it complicates my life. I deal with it as well. It is what I must do. I am not going anyplace any time
soon – sorry, you are stuck with me. ;-p
Last night I was heading out to the Double Door to see some friends of mine perform and then the fun began. I will leave out much of the messy details, but let’s just say there was blood involved and I was sitting in it. Ewww. (ok, you should be smiling now – I am – you have to make light of this, or it wins!) I knew what to do. I went to the Emergency Room and they put me on IV-IG for the night which keeps things in check. I have put this off a bit too long, and well, I refuse to take one of the meds they want me on – prednisone. which is a nasty
corticosteroid that, in many ways, can be worse than chemo. Which is one of the reasons I refuse to take it. Because of my refusal, I have other issues to deal with and last night it came to a head.
So why am I sharing all this? I met a woman last night who was also in the emergency room waiting. She had bruises and blood and was crying and there was no one with her. I did not understand it. I started to talk to her as we waited. Because there was bruising, but not obvious gushing of blood, she had to wait. It took a while. She finally opened up and admitted she had been beaten and was afraid of what her options were. I was stunned and speechless. This kind of stuff happens in movies, not in my life. I had my own issues to deal with – or so I
thought.
We talked more and I called over a nurse to explain more. She asked the woman if indeed she had been beaten. She said NO! She said she fell down some stairs on snow/ice and that is what happened. The nurse left. I continued to look at her and wondered why she would not speak up. There were places she could go. Why was she not saying anything?
I pretty much hate emergency rooms, mostly because if you are not having a heart attack or bleeding from massive injuries, you wait. It gave us more time to talk. I began to realize that “coming out” in the LGBT community has a lot of similarities in other parts of life. Why? She was terrified of her family and what they would say/think if they knew that the man she was with – a long time friend of the family – had hit her. She had tried to tell her mother once, even with a black eye, and her mother told her she was mistaken and this could not be the case.
For a brief moment I thought back to how I came out to my family. How afraid I was – being from a military family and knowing how strict my parents were (but loving). Was this the same thing? No, but the fear in many other families for the LGBT community is the same – for there are parents who would beat or throw their children from their home for no fault of their own. I was stunned.
The nurse came for me. I told them to take her first. They said they could not. I said I would leave and go someplace else – that they needed to take her. It was a bit more complicated than that, but I did convince them to take her. This was all so crazy. She asked me to go with her. How could I refuse.
They treated her. She stuck to her story. I kept looking at her and wondering what to do. It was not something I had planned for this evening. The nurse came in for me at this time. Said I needed to go if I wanted to be treated. By now I was dizzy and needed to be treated. I would be no help to anyone if was unconscious. I went with her. But before that, I asked if this woman (I am leaving her name off for obvious reasons) could come see me. The nurse said it would be OK and
they would tell her where I was, although it was after visiting hours, because she too was being treated, she would allow it (I was being admitted). This was the same nurse who I had told of her being beaten, so I think she believed it, but she knew she could not force the issue. There was a lot of emotion this night.
I have rambled a lot. I am not sure what I want to say. Yes, I spent the night in the hospital, something I have done in the past, and all I could think of was this woman. She came to see me – the nurse brought her. And just to put you all at ease – there is a semi-happy ending to all this. We talked for another hour or so before the meds they gave me were knocking me out – and well, long story short (too late) – she admitted to the nurse what had happened and the last bit of the
conversation I was involved with was that they were getting her to a shelter and going to help her.
I will not lose touch with her, I already spoke to her this morning and she is safe. She has a lot to deal with and I am hoping she will get through this. She told me she was able to convince her sister and she was coming to her and would not tell the parents.
I don’t know where this will lead. I have heard many people throughout life say “Things happen for a reason.” Last night, I bled out for a reason. I needed to be in this emergency room. If only to be someone she could talk to.
I hate hospitals. I hate being sick. I push myself constantly because I love my LIFE – and that is why I do what I do. I am supposed to slow down – I refuse. I am not a model for anyone, I am simply a friend to some. I doubt I am doing all the right things to deal with my own health correctly, but I refuse to see anyone go through what she went through without trying to help. How many others are there out there – straight or gay, who are dealing with this kind of pain? And I guess
even more, how many are there in the LGBT community must deal with this on a regular basis? My heart goes out to anyone who has to deal with any of this.
Ironically, I just got my latest “Weekly HRC” updates – titled “Living in fear because of who you are..” Ok, now I am really weirded out!
I made a new friend last night. I spent another night in a stupid hospital with tubes coming out of me. I am mortal. I will die someday. All I hope is that it will not be at the hands of another person. She is not reading this, but my love is surrounding you *L* – and you will get through this! And when you told me I would too – I believed you.
Namaste to all those in my life, my family and friends.. I love you all.
Kat