11.21.07

Where did the year go? (Giving thanks)

Posted in Journal at 9:17 am by kat

Wow – it is Fall – it is the day before Thanksgiving. People are crowding the roads and airports and train stations and more. Reminds me of the movie, “Planes, trains and automobiles”, but I digress. Although I do wonder how many thousands will be stuck on the road in the next 48 hours – some in very odd situations just like the movie. I have to admit, in 25+ years of traveling the world, I have had my fair share of being stuck at airports, hotels, motels and more.  One year I was stuck in a horrible hotel with only vending machines. We got snowed in over Thanksgiving. I could not get out and neither could the rest of us – even the staff had to stay overnight. Imagine the fun we had breaking into the vending machines to divide up what was left…  Many a fond memory of microwave popcorn for dinner (and breakfast) for two days.

So why am I writing today? I guess to reflect on this past year. Ups and downs for myself and many others around the world. For friends, family and even my neighbors. Some who moved on, some who passed and others who simply gave up.

Mostly this year I will remember as being diagnosed with Cancer – again. This was the 2nd time in 8 years. And it got a bit worse. I will remember being forgotten by my now “ex” who forgot the day I started chemo and of course I will remember that day of starting it all – the poison entering my body – to kill another poison. Things are better – not cured, but better and that is all I care about. Each and every day I get just a little better.

Throughout this year my friends and family have never given up on me and have been there. I continue to make new friends  and for all of this I give thanks. Thanks that my family is still around – my mother and father – married close to 60 years now – and still going strong. My sister and brother, whom I love dearly and do wish we saw each other more. And of course their families who are now my extended families. As the kids get older, well, it is strange to see one of them engaged and soon to be married. Am I really that old? I don’t feel it…

This 2nd year in Chicago has brought much success  into my life and I am thankful for it all. I have many new friends and a beautiful home with my two loving kitties. I even had my first ever house warming/tarot/house concert party last weekend and it was a wonderful success.  I am thankful for all these things.

And yet I sit back and look at the world around me – war, conflict, famine, genocide and so much sadness and hatred. And why? Do people really hate each other? Are religions really so hateful of other religions that they want to kill in the name of god? I don’t believe any of it. I believe governments contribute much to what we see – the anger and hatred of one government  to another, but truly, the people and the anger they feel is fueled by these governments.  Our own government has spent another year spreading anger, hatred and division all around the world – but when you look at the American people – they reach out to all those in need, from Iraq to Darfur. The PEOPLE do not hate the people – and they reach out with all they can. Just look at the number of organizations out there trying to help. Why can’t we get the governments to act like the Red Cross or other organizations – GIVE and stop taking – HELP and stop hurting… When will it end?

I was raised in a military family. I am proud of my father and mother for all they did. My father having enlisted in the end of WWII and went back into the private sector after that, but then a few years later, went back in to serve in all the wars after. He fought for this country and the freedoms we have today.  I will always be thankful for all he did for this country. My mother served in her own way – a military wife raising children that had to move every few years to keep up.  My mother and father are both true heroes just as those fighting in Iraq and around the world are heroes as well. Regardless of the administration they may be forced to fight for – they stand up for our country and sadly, have given up their lives for us all. Give them thanks – love, and all good wishes as we enter the holiday season. Regardless of how you feel about the war – it is not by choice that they are there – they are there because they stand up for our freedoms, even if G.W. is a moronic CIC, the members of the military deserve our love and respect. So, during your travels – walking through airports, train stations or where ever – the next time you see a military person in uniform – thank them. Thank them for all they have given in the 200+ years of history of this country.  For I know I am one of the lucky ones – my father made it through the wars, and for that I am thankful. So many other families will not have a father or mother this year to share their holidays, because they gave their lives in protection of our freedoms. Although Bush and his administration may have taken some of our freedoms away, it is by no fault of our military personnel..

My heart and soul goes out to all those stationed around the world – may you find peace as another year comes to a closing chapter. May we somehow, in this place we call “Earth”, find peace in our hearts and love in our souls – and someday, perhaps, we will stop hating each other just for being different..

peace, love and light
Kat

11.11.07

Twists and turns

Posted in Journal at 8:39 pm by kat

Hmm, it’s been a while since I last wrote. Maybe because I am frustrated with a do-nothing Congress that won’t stand up to a failure of a president and his failed administration and policies. I sit back and watch a bunch of cowards (Congress) afraid to take a stand against an even bigger coward (Bush). Why won’t anyone just stand up to him and say, “No more money for your corporate friends and this stupid war!” Stop the funding, end the war. I wonder when the American people will wake up to the endless cost of this war? While defense contractors and the Blackwaters of the world rake in millions, our soldiers continue to die. While Bush makes an ass out of himself, his administration and the rest of this country, in the eyes of the world, thousands of civilians are dying. While we spend billions of dollars on an endless war, New Orleans and all over the Gulf states still struggles to rebuild – the economy is starting to go downhill and yet the rich continue to get richer because of this stupid war. My heart goes out to all those in the Military, their friends, family and loved ones for what they must endure. They are doing a job they were asked to do, regardless of the idiot commander in chief – and they are the true heroes. Bush is a coward for never having served and worse – for not funding the care that returning soldiers need and deserve! Why are WE – the public, not standing up and screaming at the top of our lungs as to the lack of treatments for all the returning heroes? Why are we not DEMANDING better care for all of them? We seem to have a very short attention span – a very limited memory of what is important in this country. Stand up and YELL! Say something? Ok, now on to something else?

Have you ever heard the saying, “Time Line?” Many people talk of a time line for a project or life and so much more. I have to disagree with this saying in the strongest way ? Time, is in no way, a line!

Time comes and goes, in twists, turns, circles, and so much more. We talk about the “Circle of Life” and then look at a time line – see – it just does not work.

My life and the time that has been a part of it has taken so many twists and turns I lost count. So I guess I will write about these twists and turns that we call life.

To be honest, I wonder if anyone reads these things, and after that – if they do, who really cares? But one thing I do know – we all have a lot in common – we all seem to experience the same twists and turns. I know in my life I have repeated mistakes – repeated patterns that brought me to this point in time. My relationships seem to mirror the ones before them and although the partners are different, the circumstances are similar. But the strange thing is that those who I have crossed paths with in life – their lives twists and turns follow similar patterns.

I know someone who continues to repeat a pattern of dating from the online personals. Regardless of the people she dates, the patterns are the same. Her twists mimic each twist from the past – and yet she continues. Another person I know, well hers is a pattern of more turns than any I have seen. The people in her life are all the same – in so many ways, and the funny thing is, she does not see it, but everyone around her does. I have known her for going on 10 years, and yet her life patterns – they are always the same, in each and every relationship. Sure, I have only mentioned two, but I could go on for hours – days even, on how many people repeat these patterns. And I am no different. I too repeat the patterns that have brought me here. This so called “Circle of life” seems to be like the Olympic rings – concentric circles that just keep repeating.

Sometimes though, the patterns break – even for a moment. I can look back at one or two in my life and realize they were “not the norm.” But those had their own nuttiness qualities to them. And you always remember the ones that are just a bit different and one thing I remember about mine – they were always short lived. I guess I consider those – the “speed bumps” in my life. They were relationships that simply slowed me down a little, and not much more. How many people experience the same bumps?

I have found myself again in another of these circles – just now walking away from it and wondering how I ever let myself get into it. How do you let yourself fall in love – when you say it will not happen again after the last time you were hurt? But then I looked and realized that it was simply the same twist – the same turn- that I had repeated several relationships before. They were concentric circles – connected and yet not. Each a different color, but so similar. Each as painful as the last. Each as filled with love as the previous. Each one leaving me wondering about this journey we call life.

As I continue to fight cancer – I know I am winning this battle – but I doubt I will ever win the battle against the twists and turns that make life what it is. I will never understand it – and yet I wonder if we are truly meant to? Perhaps not. Perhaps, as “they” say, life is a learning experience and the pain that we feel, the sadness and disappointment that comes into our lives is all about that experience – it truly is what is meant to be a mystery.

Namaste,
Kat